During my most recent playthrough of Link’s Awakening on my 3DS, I decided to keep my camera with me at all times to capture some of the more… interesting moments.
Recipe for success: put Yoshi in the game somehow. I mean, look at the difference between Super Mario Galaxy & Super Mario Galaxy 2. Too bad this one’s just a doll.
I’m digging the whole inner-dialogue this game has. Never mind the fact that you can actually steal stuff from the shop.
Repercussion #1 for stealing! Regardless of what you’ve named Link, it’s changed to THIEF. I stole the bow by accident when I first got the game (I was like… six or seven years old, maybe younger?) and didn’t realize my name had changed until I was almost halfway done with the game. Was totally heartbroken that I didn’t get away scott-free.
Repercussion #2 for stealing — if you go back into the shop, the shop keeper SHOOTS YOU WITH A DEATH RAY. Best. game. ever.
Now destined to a life of crime, THIEF begins shrooming shortly after.
Clearly, shrooming has made THIEF hallucinate. Suddenly an otherwise quiet, lethal monster becomes inverted and Jamaican with trippy eyes!
Destined to become a full-fledged criminal gangster, THIEF briefly acquires a vicious beast with sharp teeth to travel alongside him.
And now he’s mackin’ on the ladies too. Just wait; there’s more.
Told you. “Sure. I’ll tell you everything you want to know about me, Marin. But lemme look up dat skirt first.”
Koholint Island is a dream of the Wind Fish. But here, THIEF can be seen falling asleep and dreaming. INCEPTION.
THIEF is apparently not the only lying, deceitful denizen of Koholint. Here we have a picture of Princess Peach being held by Mr. Write, a man who is ecstatic to have received a letter back from someone at long last. THIEF delivered him this letter from a GOAT, apparently named Christine. Not only is this photo (of Princess Peach) misleading in appearance, but she’s OF A DIFFERENT SPECIES. I would hate to see how the Match.com date plays out for this lovely couple.
Here’s a mermaid. In the American version of the game, she’s lost her necklace and tasks THIEF with finding it. Not many know this, but — in other versions of the game, it is what it should be — the mermaid has lost her TOP. One’s necklace does not prevent one from swimming openly… but I would think a lost top explains the embarrassed look on her face a lot better.
One does not stammer over a necklace, after all. But if I were suddenly holding a beautiful mermaid’s bikini top over my head, I would consider myself a lot l-l-luckier.
THIEF’s new sword is twice his size, but he’s somehow able to hold it above his head like it’s nothing. Moments later, it shrinks down to normal size, and THIEF has compensation issues.
What the **** is a Piece of Heart doing in a random spot UNDERWATER in a MOAT? I challenge anyone to tell me they found this one completely by chance, without the use of a strategy guide. No wonder THIEF turned to a life of crime — the game’s secrets are ****ing cruel sometimes.
But THIEF isn’t pure evil, ladies and gentlemen. He’s also very Christ-like.
He just rose the dead. I’m surprised the zombie chicken didn’t eat poor THIEF alive, considering the havoc they can wreak if provoked in this game.
Consider the trouble our hero has gone through since obtaining Bow Wow to move LESS THAN THREE INCHES UP THE SCREEN. Crazy.
Consider the intelligent life of Koholint. Every other NPC doesn’t give THIEF any concrete information because “I’m just a kid”. And the monster tries to put up a decent fight against a GUY WITH A SWORD using his BOXING GLOVES. No wonder the nightmares fall so easily in the end.
What’s a Zelda game without a disco reference? Further proof that THIEF belongs on da streets.
But seriously, folks. THIS is the Wind Fish? It’s a damn WHALE. When I was eight and I finally beat this game for the first time and saw a WHALE instead of a little goldfish with a tornado underneath him like I pictured in my head, I was put off. What the hell is it wearing? And why does that have anything to do with the wind?
He’s been passed out on ONE LOG this WHOLE TIME and Jack Dawson couldn’t survive to the end of Titanic. Looks like Leo needs to take some lessons from Link… I mean, THIEF.
And on that note, this journey is complete. I wish there was more to it, but like dreams, Link’s Awakening is short, screwed up, and wildly perverted if you take time to think about it.